My Story

 

 

This is my raw story of how my life took a major turn and left me in a place of brokenness. I am a very transparent person and I have nothing to hide.

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Why do I tell this story? Why would I bare my soul and let you inside my life? Why would I share with you the story behind my emotional scars. The answer is to use my pain for a purpose. It is hard to believe this is even part of my story. I share my story as one of hope. I want women who are faced with this form of betrayal to know the Lord loves them very much and they will see glory from their story. I have nothing to hide and I firmly believe in speaking truth. I will be a voice for women who are being emotionally abused with infidelity.  

 

I loved my husband very much. He was a good man. I still love that man. I always will. My husband and I had an amazing marriage. One that others envied. We would have celebrated 25 years of marriage in January of 2021. We were supposed to be renewing our vows but sadly the enemy had his way and we divorced November 2020. We let our guard down and we didn't put on our armor.  We started a farm and chased a dream. We took our eyes off Jesus and the enemy came prowling around looking for who he could devour. He preys on our weaknesses and feed us lies. It is s a slow fade. Marriage is hard work and you have to fight for it. We all have choices when we are faced with those hard times.

 

The farm brought an extreme amount of stress. The stress left no room for relationships because the dream had consumed the family. The dream stole any balance and eventually became an idol. The dream became the priority and a family and the marriage crumbled. The stress created division and our family was truly falling apart. When we are met with this kind of stress we find ourselves at a crossroad. How will we handle the stress?  Sadly, my husbands answer to cope with the stress was to turn to alcohol and our employee. We invited her into our lives and we treated her like a daughter. It was a double betrayal. 

 

The affair broke me in a way I can't even explain. I have never experienced so much pain in my life. I fought for 18 months for our marriage. I humbled myself and sought his forgiveness for all the areas I had failed. My husband did come to me for reconciliation but he didn't sever ties with her and called it off. Shortly after he announced that she was pregnant. He betrayed me and our children for the third time and hurt me in every possible way he could.  To have the person you vowed to love and truly loved deeply hurt and betray you in this way is unbearable and nothing but emotional abuse. Each day we get to choose the spirit or the flesh. He chose his flesh and sin. He chose her over our marriage and children. Even typing that now stings and penetrates my soul. I have never grieved so much. I loved him with all my being and really thought we would grow old together.

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I spent months praying the Lord to leave the 99 and go get my husband. The Lord so gently spoke to me one day that he left the 98 and I came back with Him but he was still pursuing my husband.  I pray one day he returns to the Father, wakes up and truly repents. I pray he truly turns his life over and lives a life that glorifies God and is the godly example our children need and deserve. He is not my enemy and I don't hate him. I hate what he did and the consequences we as his family have had to pay and will continue to pay. Please know your choices and sin impacts those you love most.

 

The healing has been long and fought for on a daily basis. I will stand before my savior knowing I did everything I could to reconcile. I believe the Lord could have given us a brand new marriage. Unfortunately we can't reconcile by ourselves. I didn't want this to be a part of my story. I didn't want to be in this club but since I am; I can't tell you how many marriages are dying. Faithful strong Christian men and women are falling into affairs and they are wrecking their families. It breaks my heart that the man I loved and adored fell in this way. To watch the man you love be devoured by the enemy is excruciating. To see him embrace a life of sin and live a lie breaks my heart for him and our children. I know this is not who he is and the enemy has him in his grip. Or this is who is he is and I never knew him which would make me more sad. 

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The stories of betrayal by the people who vowed to love and cherish their spouse until death parts you are gut wrenching. I never would have thought I would be here in a million years. I am one of those people who naively said, "I would never divorce." I was actually very judgmental of  those who did get divorced. I have now learned we don't know other peoples stories and what is going on in their lives. Sometimes you are left without a choice because they make it for you. I only made legal what was already true. He abandoned the marriage and his family with his affair. 

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I believe the Lord didn't want what reconciliation would have looked like for my husband and for me. A life where I would always question. A life where I couldn't speak truth and use it for good. A life where I would have been silenced and never healed. A life that would have destroyed me. I prayed He would give me closure or a miracle. I prayed Lord choose the path where I will impact your kingdom most. The path has been hard and painful but the new life He has given me is one of peace. It provides me with a platform to speak my truth and be an encouragement and help to other women. A life where I can and will impact His kingdom.

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I am on the other side and embracing my new life. I am still healing and trying to walk through forgiveness. It is a process and one that each of us take at our own pace. Divorce is like a death and the grief is so real. Grieving the loss of someone you love that is still alive is incredibly painful. Please know I take responsibility for my role in the state of my marriage. I will not in any way ever take responsibility for his answer to our marital issues being his choice to have an affair. Hear me when I say it is never your fault when your spouse makes the conscious decision to betray you in this horrific way. 

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I believe the Lord will use all our pain for a purpose and not one tear will be wasted. The Lord has given me a brand new life and I believe he saved me. Sometimes we never will know the why. If we did it wouldn't change anything. We have to trust the Lord and know He has great plans for our life. Even if our life looks very different than we imagined. He has birthed this ministry in me. I had to walk through this painful valley so the Lord can use me to help another hurting soul. This site has resources to help women heal and know that their story is not finished and with the Lord there will be glory from their story.

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Thank you for reading this far. Just know the Lord is still writing my story and I will add to it as my story unfolds. I can't wait to see what He has in store for my life. The story is a page turner and there are some painful ugly chapters but there are and will be chapters of love, healing  and redemption.  I plan to write my full story one day.

 

I am so very grateful to the Lord for walking through this valley with me. He has been my strength, my comforter, my warrior, my friend. God is good and I am closer to Him than I have ever been. 

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I am six years out and have healed in so many ways. The Lord redeems all things stolen. He gave me a brand new life and this ministry. In 2021 he brought an amazing godly man into my life. The Lord didn't want me to let the horrible choices of another man steal the joy of having a marriage He desired for me. One filled with Jesus, prayer, communication, faithfulness and choosing each other every day, only because we choose Jesus. We married July 21, 2023.

 

Before considering dating, I made the decision I would never wrap my happiness up again in another person. I encourage you all to walk through the pain, heal and find your happiness before entering a relationship. Dan adds to my happiness and supports me and my ministry in every way.  

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Sandy Carter 

Glory From Your Story

Infidelity Survivor 

"I will walk through the pain not just to survive but to thrive."